The Momentum Edit

The real reason you keep telling everyone you're busy

Written by Betsy Matthews | 5-minute read | Published 8 August 2026

The Momentum Edit is where I explore the thoughts, patterns and conversations that shape how we live. No quick fixes. Just honest reflections and practical ways to create lasting momentum

I've realised I tell people I'm busy. A lot.

Most of the time, I'm not lying. I am busy. I've got work to do, people who need me, messages I've forgotten to reply to, places I need to be and approximately 47 things happening in my head at any given moment.

Recently though, I've started wondering whether sometimes, "I'm busy" actually means something else.

I noticed myself doing it when a friend asked how I was.

"Yeah, good. Just really busy."

That was it.

Nothing was particularly wrong. "Busy" was just easier. It covered everything without me actually having to explain anything.

The more I've thought about it, the more I've realised how often I do this.

Busy is a very convenient answer.

"How are you?"
"Good. Just really busy."

Most of the time, that's where the conversation stops.

People don't tend to dig much deeper. Busy makes sense. We're all busy. They nod sympathetically, tell you they don't know how you do it, and the conversation moves on.

Nobody asks, "Yes, but how are you really?"

Sometimes I think that's exactly why I say it.

Busy stops the conversation

I've become quite self-aware about something else I do.

When I meet up with friends, I don't like feeling as though I've monopolised the conversation by talking about myself. I don't want to spend half an hour listing everything I've got going on, everything that's difficult or everything that's taking up space in my head.

"I'm busy" puts a full stop on it.

It sums everything up in two words.

"Anyway, how are you?"

The attention moves away from me and back onto the other person, which is usually exactly where I'm more comfortable with it being.

I've started questioning whether there's a downside to that too.

If I'm always the one moving the conversation on, am I sometimes stopping the people closest to me from knowing when I actually need them?

Maybe "busy" allows us to acknowledge that there's a lot going on without feeling as though we have to take up too much space talking about it.

Busy gives us an excuse

There's another reason I think I like telling people I'm busy.

It makes people more forgiving.

Forgotten to reply to your message?
Sorry, I've been so busy.

Haven't arranged to see you?
Things have just been manic.

Forgotten something important?
My head's all over the place. I've got so much going on.

Can't make that night out?

You know the answer.

People understand. Being busy is socially acceptable. Sometimes I think we almost wear it as a badge of honour.

I've definitely done it.

There have been times when I've looked at everything I'm juggling and thought, well, of course I forgot that. Look at everything I've got going on.

Maybe that's completely fair.

I've also started questioning whether I sometimes use busyness to give myself permission.

There are things we say we want.

We want to change jobs.
We want to get fitter and healthier.
We want to start the business.
We want to do something for ourselves.
We want something in our lives to change.

Then comes the perfect explanation for why we haven't done it yet:

I'm just too busy.

That's where I think busyness can become a problem.

Sometimes "I'm too busy" really means "I'm avoiding thinking about this."

Not deliberately. I'm certainly not sitting there plotting ways to avoid my own life.

It's just much easier to keep moving.

Keep doing. Keep filling the diary. Keep dealing with whatever needs doing next.

If we're constantly doing that, we don't have to stop for long enough to ask ourselves the more uncomfortable questions:

What do I actually want to change?

More importantly:

What am I going to do about it?

Sometimes "I'm busy" means "I'm struggling"

This is probably the bit I've been most uncomfortable admitting.

There have absolutely been times when I've told people I'm busy and what I've actually wanted was for someone to notice that I've got too much on my plate.

I didn't necessarily want them to fix it.

I didn't even really want to ask for help.

I think I just wanted someone to see it.

Saying:

"I'm really busy at the moment."

feels much easier than saying:

"I'm not sure I'm coping particularly well."

Busy doesn't require the same vulnerability.

You don't have to admit things feel too much. You don't have to ask anyone to step in. You don't even necessarily have to change anything.

You might, however, get something you need.

Someone might say:

"You're doing a lot."

"You need to give yourself a break."

"You don't have to do everything."

Or simply:

"You're doing a good job."

Sometimes that's all I've wanted to hear.

Maybe telling people we're busy can be a way of asking for reassurance without actually having to ask for it.

It could even be a quiet cry for help without us consciously realising that's what we're doing.

The people who know us best are often the ones who can hear what's underneath it. They're the ones who don't always accept "busy" as the answer.

Maybe we're waiting for permission

There are also times when we genuinely are too busy.

We know something needs to come off our plate, yet making that decision ourselves can feel difficult.

What do I stop doing?

Who do I let down?

What can wait?

What am I allowed to say no to?

So we tell people how busy we are.

Perhaps, without even realising it, we're waiting for someone else to say:

"This is too much. Something has to give."

Almost as though we need someone else's permission to put something down.

Maybe the question isn't: "Why am I so busy?"

Maybe it's:

What is being busy doing for me right now?

Is it giving me an excuse?

Is it stopping someone from looking too closely?

Is it allowing me to postpone something I know I need to change?

Is it my way of telling someone I'm overwhelmed without actually having to say it?

Am I genuinely doing too much and waiting for somebody else to give me permission to put something down?

Sometimes you really are just bloody busy.

I know I am.

I've also realised that sometimes I've used "busy" as a catch-all answer for a lot of things I didn't quite know how, or didn't want, to explain.

I don't think the answer is to stop saying we're busy.

I think it's simply to notice when we do and get curious about what's underneath it.

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Your Momentum Shift

The next time you hear yourself say:

"I'm just really busy at the moment."

Don't judge yourself for it.

Just ask yourself one question:

What do I actually mean?

You might be surprised by the answer.

Remember small shifts create lasting momentum.